Everything.

"I love you." she said, holding me, staring at me with those big brown eyes like a puppy begging for you to play with it. I didn't know what to say, so in all of my glorious awkwardness, I giggled like a little girl and said "I love you, too." It felt like that moment you find a four leaf clover that you've been looking for your whole life. Like you were on top of the world and nothing could or would go wrong. When you say "I only have eyes for you, baby." something in your voice, the way you say it, makes me believe it. I believe it like elementary school kids believe cooties are real. The way you hold me and comfort me when I'm upset and say, "Everything is gonna be okay. I promise." I like your promises because you keep them. You are everything I've ever dreamed of.

Nothing.

I want to be there, next to you every morning when you wake up and every night when you go to sleep. I want to spend every hour of the day with you, doing whatever you please. I want to be the one to take care of you and make you feel better when you've had a bad day. I want to be your hope, your love. I want to be the reason for the smile on your face, and the reason for your laughter. I want to be your best friend, your everything. I want to be the last person you say those special three words to.
They say nothing lasts forever. So, can I be your nothing?

I'm

disgusted by my body.

Thank you.

I thought you'd actually be a father for once in your life. I guess I was wrong. I've forgiven you for all the times you've hit me, all the things you said to me when you were drunk. You know, I've always wanted you to be a part of my life. Even if it was the smallest part, you still would have been there. I thought maybe, just maybe you'd open your eyes and see that you don't have much time left. But your eyes are still closed. I've waited and waited and waited 12 years for the day that you'd call and apologize or just tell me you love me and you're sorry you weren't in my life. Maybe your phone is broken, maybe you forgot to pay the bill like you always used to. It's okay, I'll just sit back and wait for that phone call. I've already made mine, I'm just waiting on you. Daddy's little girl is still waiting for her daddy to put down the beer can and get help. All I can do is hope that you will, soon. At least before it's to late.

Story of my life.

"Remember all the things we wanted? Now all our memories, they're haunted. We were always meant to say goodbye. Even with our fists held high it never would have work out right. We were never meant for do or die. I didn't want us to burn out, I didn't come here to hurt you. Now I can't stop. I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road but, some one's gotta go. And I want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better but, I want you to move on. So I'm already gone
Looking at you makes it harder but, I know that you'll find another that doesn't always make you wanna cry. It started with the perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in. "Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive. You know that I love you so,
I love you enough to let you go. You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong. I'm already gone.

Remember all the tings we wanted? Now all our memories, they're haunted. We were always meant to say goodbye."

Lost and Found

'Day after day I tell myself you never meant the words that you said.
Night after night I lie her alone.
Can't get you out of my head.
Like a fool, I let our love slip away, left me here. What more can I say?
I missed my chance. I lost my turn.
My ship sank. I crashed and burned.
Broke your heart then I let myself down.
Lost the fight, I lost the game.
Now there's only me to blame.
If you wonder where I am, check the lost and found.
Time after time I fell short of the man you needed me to be.
Lie after lie, I left you no choice but to pack your clothes and leave.
Got too much pride to beg you to stay."

-Randy Rogers Band.

What's going on?

Nothing seems to be falling into place like it normally does. Things are changing, life's become WAY different. I feel like I'm out of place and in a world I don't belong and it scares me. All I want to do is lock myself in my room and cry. I keep thinking, "Why are things like this? Who deserves this?". Things are taking a turn for the worst, slowly but surely.

Hate has increased and love seems to be the least of any body's worries.

It feels as if I'm in a dream. The only exception being that I'm not. This is real life, no dreaming here. Only I wish I was.

Someone save me.